Horror Flash Fiction: The Visitor

Hi guys, this is a flash fiction piece that I just wrote for one of my creative writing classes. It also seemed to fit with this week’s theme for Racheal Ritchey’s #BlogBattle, so I decided to post it on here so I can be considered in the contest. If you haven’t seen her blog I would highly suggest clicking on the link and checking it out. On to the story.

The Visitor

Three earsplitting noises, bang, bang, bang, shocked me from my shallow sleep. My muted television flickered with static. It’d been that way since the cable company cut my service last week. Pushing the empty pizza box from lap, I rose from the stained futon and crept to the apartment door. Empty beer bottles clinked as my foot sent a pile skittering over. Gray light lent fuzzy illumination to the unkempt studio. As I pressed my face to the peephole, the door shook with three more rattling cracks. Bang, bang, bang.

“Wh-Who is it?” I yelled while stumbling backward but falling on one of the glass bottles. My pants were wet with what I hoped was alcohol. Other than the quiet tinkling from the bottles rolling across the peeling linoleum, the apartment was silent.

I grabbed one of the bottles and struck it against the floor. Shards scattered leaving me with a makeshift knife. The floor creaked as I inched toward door. Bang, Bang, Bang!

Palms sweating, I pressed against the imitation wood and yelled, “I’m calling the cops.” The only response was my pulse pounding in my ears.

Struggling to my feet, I looked through the peephole for a second time. Darkness greeted my eye. Bang, bang, bang. My breath stuttered. I gripped the bottle tighter. One step back, I hissed as a sliver of glass slipped into the bottom of my bare foot.

Hobbling, my shaking hand gripped the newly installed deadbolt. “Go away!” I screamed while pushing the door open with the force of a linebacker. The stairway was empty aside from scattered leaves and my overflowing mailbox. I stood gasping in the doorway when the grey light cast from my TV flicked off. Turning toward my apartment while stumbling backward, the faint outline of the familiar black silhouette stood just in front of where I’d been sleeping. My foot slipped when it met air, and I crunched down the stairs. Bang, bang, bang.

6 thoughts on “Horror Flash Fiction: The Visitor

      1. Pointers? Hmm… Maybe focus a little more on the internal thoughts of the character to balance the external action? Just a suggestion.
        Apart from that though, great start! I really like the way you described the apartment. You get a really good sense of the setting from this piece. I look forward to reading more of your writing!

        Liked by 1 person

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